Humbled

I promise, I'll post my birth story soon, just for a record.

I am just having some middle of the night musings that I feel I need to record.

Being a new mother is the most humbling thing I have ever experienced. Over the last three weeks I've spent more time on my knees, asleep on the couch and rocking chair, asking for help, filled with a joy I could never even begin to comprehend, and the deepest sorrow I've ever felt. I've been peed on, pooped on, and puked on. I've also been slept on, loved on, focused on, and smiled on.

My thoughts, actions, and every word are turned heavenward. I have constantly had a prayer on my lips. I prayer that my precious baby would come soon. A prayer that she would be healthy. A prayer that there would be no complications, and when it seemed there would be, a prayer that I would cope no matter what. My prayers then turned to ones of sleep. I prayed that by baby would sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time because I was so exhausted. There were prayers that no harm would come to pass while we were sleeping. That I would be able to sleep through the anxiety of something going wrong, and I prayed that I would be able to hear that little cry in the night. Those prayers were, and still are, answered. Three wonderful hours at a time. Yes, it's been extremely hard. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I often find myself thanking my Heavenly Father that my baby is healthy and sleeping three hours at a time, and asking him to grant me the strength to roll out of bed and take care of her. The prayers have turned to ones of comfort. Both for me and for Molly. Every moment I utter a prayer. When the baby spits up, I pray that she's alright. When she's sleeping I offer a prayer of thanks. When she's getting bounced by her daddy and is just content as can be, I offer a prayer of gratitude for the life I have been given. I have been blessed. I've learned the power of the "every day" prayer. Those tender moments where you raise your eyes to heaven and cry out for help and a gentle peace washes over you. The prayers that are like a small child asking their father for help with the simple things in life are answered with blessings poured upon me and I am loved.

I have felt the deepest love over the last three weeks. Love that I didn't know existed. I've felt love. I've loved. What I feel for this little angel child can scarcely be called love. It's so much more powerful than that. I loved her before she was born. My heart swelled when I found out I was expecting and I instantly found myself with stronger feelings than I had ever had before. I loved my husband more. I loved my family more. I loved my friends more. All that love must have been making room in my heart for Molly. I couldn't imagine how love could grow so strong, but every time I look at her, or see TR holding her or watch her sleep, my love for her only grows stronger and penetrates my very core.

Along with that love comes the joy and sorrow I feel. Molly has a terrible rash right now. Every time I change her diaper it breaks my heart. I feel like I could just die when I hear her cry so hard she can barely breathe. I can't just wave my hand and make it better and that is a sorrow I never imagined. I know there will be many more times like that for me through her life and the thought of it just makes my heart ache. On the other side of that, the joy I feel while snuggling my daughter, rocking her while she's sleeping, snoring softly, is incomprehensible. A feeling I couldn't even begin to describe if I wanted to. It's a very sacred, soft feeling, but a powerful one. A feeling that brings tears to my eyes.

Over the last three weeks I've had to learn to ask for help. There is a reason why they say it takes a village to raise a child. I can't do it all on my own. I don't like to ask for help. I never have. My stubborn nature fights against it with everything I am. But, when you're running on a night where your newborn baby has woken up every hour to eat or be changed or just to be cuddled, it's hard to focus and do the dishes or make yourself some lunch even though you're starving. I'm lucky. I have lots of family nearby that help me. I have a wonderful husband that does everything he can for me. My pride prevented me from asking for help. I have been humbled. I have asked for help with every aspect of my life. Laundry, dishes, even getting in and out of the bathtub. The first few days, I found it horribly degrading. I should be able to do these simple things for myself. This is silly. I would try to do them myself before help would come in the morning. I found it wore me out and impaired my ability to care for not only myself, but Molly as well. It wore me out and made nursing, holding Molly, changing her, and even sleeping a hassle. A few days after coming home from the hospital I fell terribly ill. I had a fever and the shakes. I could barely lift my head. It was miserable. I know now that this was a lesson for me. I had to ask for help. I couldn't hold Molly without feeling like I was going to drop her. I couldn't feed her. I couldn't do anything. Again, I am blessed with amazing family. I asked for help that day. I spent the day sleeping on the couch. Dishes and laundry got done. Molly was taken care of. When my fever broke later that evening I realized how much I needed the help of those around me. Even now as I'm feeling better and able to do more, I have found myself constantly being humbled by a loving Heavenly Father and in need of help from others. This is by far my hardest lesson. I'm a slow learner, but I think I'm catching on.

I know my Father in Heaven loves me. If he didn't, he wouldn't have sent me this perfect angel of a daughter. I needed to grow and learn much more before she could come into my life, and I continue to grow and learn as I earn my "Mommy" title. We never stop growing, and I am more humbled by being a Mother than I have been in my entire life. My life has been blessed. It will continue to be blessed because I know I am loved. He will never leave me alone.

Next up- The birth story!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Welcome back to the wide world of Blogging Mrs. Grimm!

As many of you who read my blog (are you still out there?) may have noticed...it's been about a year since my last foray into the blogging world. Crazy right?! Has it been a utterly boring year since last May? Um...totally no. Have I even thought about blogging it? Once or twice. Was I too busy enjoying and living my life to blog it? Absolutely. Sorry about that. Here's a quick recap of our lives since last May:

February-June: Helping plan, preparing for, and executing a wedding for our dear friends. This wedding was held in my backyard so there was a lot of work involved for us. It was pretty fun though. I also got a new job about a week before the wedding. So...that was a little bit stressful. Grateful for a job though! My little Science class ended at the end of May as well. I was very sad to be done with this experience that I learned so much from. On the last day of class my students and I played games, talked, and ate doughnuts. There were many hugs, and even a few tears, mine included. I think of those children and my experience often and with happiness

July-August: Not a whole lot happened. We enjoyed our friends and family. We loved the family reunion. Celebrated 3 years of happily blissful marriage

Septempter: INSURANCE! After three years without, this was a great day. I was promoted at work from Chats to Phones. I later got moved back to chats, not because I wasn't awesome on phones, but just...cause I guess. I didn't get moved until End of December, Beginning of January. TR and I also took a FANTASTIC week long vacation to Seattle. It was a great time and one of the only vacations we have taken where I didn't get deathly ill. Definitely a trip we will be repeating.

October: St. George with Friends, 25th Birthdays (best by far). Mr. Charles Darcy Esq. of Pemberly (Our Welsh Corgi) Joins our family. We found him looking pathetic at the pound and I just had to have him.

November: 25th Birthdays again, Biggest and best Pie Breakfast yet. So much to be thankful for. TR and I both got to go to the doctor for the first time in our marriage. It was kind of a wake up call for both of us, but so grateful to be able to go to the doctor.

December: Christmas in Las Vegas. Can it get better? It was like spring! In December! All the Reusch's made their way to Las Vegas for Christmas and we got a big family picture taken. It was a fun trip but much too short for my taste.

January: New years! Huzzah! We rang the new year in with the Tanners and their friends and family. It was as fun party and everyone had a great time. Life goes on, work and play as usual.

February: Disaster strikes! Well...more like kidney stones. TR passed a kidney stone at home and the pain was not going away. At my insistence, we take a trip to the insta-care near our house. The lady at the insta-care told us to go to the emergency room. I was standing in line to get us checked in and the receptionist leaned over and said "You're with the man who looks like death? Lets get you checked in." We were admitted not 30 minutes later and 4 hours after that, we were given a strainer, two prescriptions, and instructions to take it easy. Johnny and Sam came to give TR a blessing and at 2 in the morning, at the request of my sobbing husband I went to Walgreens 24-hour pharmacy to get his prescriptions filled. When your husband is 6' 3" 300+ pounds laying in bed, sobbing, you do whatever you can to make him feel better. I will forever and always be grateful to Walgreens and their 24-hour pharmacy. After a week of peeing rocks and feeling Dizzy, TR is back on his feet and back to work. It was a hard week for him. He did not enjoy his time at home, alone while I went to work. It was a hard week for me too. I was run down and utterly exhausted, but glad my darling was okay.

March: Um....working. Working working working.

April: TR applied for school. He is taking his pre-requisites for the Culinary Arts program at UVU this summer, and because he's Serv Save works in the industry he gets bumped to the top of the waiting list. At the end of April we found out our family is expanding! Little baby (or Babies and TR keeps reminding me, and I continue to freak out about) will be joining us in December and we couldn't be more excited!

May: Just started but there is lots of potential! Andrea and I are going to Sunset Boulevard up at Pioneer Theater next week, TR starts school on Monday, Scholastic Book Sale, It's getting warmer, and we get to hear our little Peanut's heartbeat in three weeks! The opening of summer, and it's turning out to be a very packed, and fun-filled summer indeed!

And that's where we are! I'll get back into blogging again, I promise. Lots is happening, and I'm enjoying every moment of my totally awesome life.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Mother's Day Musings

If any of you know me at all, you know that I have no human children of my own. You should also know that I am the proud mommy of three furry babies, four aquababies, and two feathery babies.

Am I a mother in what the world would deem a "traditional" sense? No.

Am I a mother? Absolutely.

Upon this mother's day 2010 I felt blasphemous. I didn't want breakfast in bed. I didn't want the flowers. I didn't want the gifts. I didn't want the recognition. I am not what the world would call a mother, therefore I should not be able to participate in the world's day to celebrate mothers.

As I was trolling the interwebs in my depressed stupor I came across a twitter feed that I sometimes read. This gentleman stated that he did not celebrate mother's day growing up. It wasn't allowed. He also stated that Mothers should be appreciated every day, not just once a year.

I was struck by this. Do we celebrate mothers every day? We should. A mother should be celebrated in the achievements of her children. A mother should be celebrated in the smile of her happy, full, angel baby. A mother should be celebrated in her ability to care for and teach her children. A mother should be celebrated for the meal she has warm on the table for her family right at dinner time. Are mothers perfect? Of course not. Do they try to be? Often. Should we celebrate their effort all the time? Absolutely.

What about the other women in our lives? What about our wives, daughters, sisters, friends, aunts, cousins, teachers, young womens and relief society leaders, etc.? Do we celebrate these women the same way we celebrate our mothers? No. They aren't our mothers. They play a very different role. Should we celebrate them as women? Absolutely.

Is being a woman difficult? Of course it is. Humanity is difficult. No matter your gender, just being human is difficult. We knew it would be, yet we chose to come to earth anyway.

What if we took today, one day in the year, not to celebrate mothers, but to celebrate women? I think Mothers should be thanked, and should be celebrated on a consistent basis. Not with flowers, not being showered with gifts, but just to be recognized. To be thanked. To be told we love them. Let our mothers have the other 364 days a year. On this one day, celebrate the women in our lives. Our mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, aunts, etc. Not every female gets the chance to be a mother, or a wife, but every female gets the chance to be a woman. I feel that is something worth celebrating.

Am I saying you should downplay mother's day? Absolutely not. Recognize their talents as women. Buy them flowers if you do, shower them with gifts if that's your tradition. Bring them breakfast in bed to put a smile on their face. Take care of dinner and let them put their feet up. But also recognize your daughters. They have divine potential. See it in their eyes and their happy smiling faces. Let them know you appreciate them. Remind them how happy you are to have girls. Recognize your sisters. They've been with you for most if not all your life. They've given you advice you just couldn't talk to your mom or dad about. Sisterly bond is special, precious, and very hard to break. Some of them may be mothers of their own, but they were your sister first. Tell them you appreciate them. Recognize your friends. The ones you go out on a girls night with, just to have some giggles. The ones you fawned over high school boys with cause they were just so cute. The friends who were there to help you plan your wedding, and stood there, supporting you when their feet were aching and they were wearing a dress they knew they would never wear again.

So today, I'm changing the tradition in my little family. We will no longer be celebrating Mother's day. We will now be celebrating Women's Appreciation Day. Because every woman as the right to be appreciated.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Science!

For those that don't know: I'm a real teacher now! Well, sort of. I have my own classes, I get to make the lesson plans, and I get to be the primary teacher for 4th and 2nd grade science at Meridian! This is a fantastic opportunity that almost fell right in my lap. I was going to help my good friend Eileen when she taught the class. A few months ago, however, she said that she was looking to get a new position at the school, and wanted me to come teach the science class under her tutelage. So basically it's an internship.

So far I'm enjoying it. It's made me realize how much there is to teaching, and how far I still have to go. I'm improving though, and I have high hopes. I have lots of fun ideas for experiments and other things to do in class. Of course some of it has to be the boring stuff like vocabulary, but I think we'll be having lots of fun in the class.

Tomorrow we're making animal puppets to learn about the different classes of vertebrates for 2nd grade, and 4th grade gets to play with volume. It's going to be lots of fun! I'm really excited.

Friday, January 08, 2010

2 Years Ago Today...

We added to our little family.

On my awesome nephew Jefferey's 14th birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY!!! BTW) we were a family of three, TR, myself, and Mimi. On the 21st of December, 2007, TR and I got a puppy! It took a lot of convincing on my part to get TR to let me get him a puppy, but after showing him pictures from the KSL add of the puppies that I wanted to look at, he agreed.

On a cold winters day, after school and work, TR and I hopped in the car and drove out to Toole. We first looked at all of Linus' three sisters, because I thought I wanted a girl puppy, since Mimi was a girl. TR asked to see the one and only boy puppy from the litter, and after playing with him for a little bit, TR declared that this was the puppy for him. We paid the nice lady, bundled up, and got in the car.

On the way home, we discussed names for our new family member. Bowser, Moses, Dwight D. Eisenhower (Ike for short of course), and other silly names were thrown about. Over the course of the next few days, TR tried to find the name that fit our little bud best. One night, to get more into the Christmas spirit, we watched "A Charlie Brown Christmas". We listened to Linus recite part of the Christmas story. Touched by the spirit and with tears in our eyes, we said our prayers, thanking the Lord for his sacrifice for us.

The next morning, while we were getting breakfast, TR asked me what the "Jesus kid"'s name was. When I told him it was Linus, he told me that was what he wanted to name our puppy. It's been the perfect name for him too. Just like Linus on Charlie Brown, our Linus can't sleep without some kind of blanket. When sleeping in the living room or just laying about with us, he would pull a blanket down from wherever he could find one. Even if he only got a small corner on the floor before laying on it, that was enough. He's so sweet and generous with his love. He almost has a naivety to him too.

We're just so glad he's part of our family. Our lives would be so different without him. He's such a goof, but we love him so very much. 2 years doesn't seem like a long time, but considering the happiness that he's given us in the last two years, it almost seems like we've had him a lifetime. I look forward to many more happy years with out greatest little buddy. We love you bud!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

4 year blogiversary!

That's right folks, What started out as an angsty horrible-college-experience get-away for me (Rachel) has turned into 4 years of awesome blog...stuff. I'll admit, I've deleted a lot of my horrible-college-experience posts, because lets be honest, no one wants to read about my angst, and I'd rather not re-live that time in my life.

Life is moving forward, and when I look back to where I was 4 years ago, I've come a long way, and although I still have a long way to go, I'm proud of where I am. I love my life.

So Happy Blogiversary! May there be many more years and many more adventures to blog about!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Pie Breakfast!!!

You may remember last year's pie breakfast, and how we're starting the tradition in our family. this year it has grown! We had lots of people over, and lots of really great times including out thankful turkey. It was loads of fun.

Yummy yummy Pies!

I love Sam's face in this picture.

Thanks to everyone who came and participated in this year's pie breakfast! We're glad you could all make it and made it such a fun tradition for us. We're thankful for you!!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Thankful Turkey

I didn't get all my thankful posts done, but now I think it's time to move on. Maybe I'll do the rest of them at random points down the road. During Pie Breakfast this year, we had a "Thankful Turkey." This was, of course, inspired by my sister Sarah who does a thankful turkey for our family thanksgiving celebration. I thought that was a great idea and so much fun to see what everyone is thankful for.

He started out kind of naked.

I like my little hand turkey. I think he's pretty cute.

He certainly filled out!

I'm so glad everyone participated. It was so much fun to see all the things I'm thankful for all the time but forget how much they actually mean to me. Here's our thankful list from our feathers:
-Happiness
-2K Austin
-Girl's Night
-Testimony
-Candycorn, marshmallows, and candy raindrops
-Xbox
-Linus
-TR
-Friends
-Wonderful Husband
-Good Job
-Justin and Jasper
-Good friends to eat good food with
-Everyone together
-A husband who lets me sleep in when I need it
-my family
-Good cooking/good food
-70's punk rock
-Family entertainment
-Wonderful friends and family I have that have supported me through this trying year
-Family and Friends
-Thomas
-Brandon
-Pie Breakfast
-Little boys that are cute
-baby-less friends
-everybody and everything
-A loud house filled with love
-Music
-Grammy and Rachel
-Babies
-My legs and toes
-TR the master chef
-Indoor plumbing (and my family)
-Bioware
-Book of Mormon
-A quiet house filled with peace
-Time spent with my husband
-Kate!!!
-A home to have friends and family to
-Lindsy!!!
-Priesthood blessings
-Mimi
-Wathol and Thomas
-Life
-Family
-Mr. T. Grimm
-Holidays off school and work
-A warm house filled with the spirit
-Pie
-Freedom of religion
-Puppies
-Tommy
-Friends that don't stab me (that....is a long story...)
-My momma is thankful for me. (Dalan)

Wow! We sure do have a lot to be thankful for!

Thankful Day 5

DADS!

Daddy: What little girl doesn't love her daddy? My dad is the best ever. He's always there to help me out no matter what. I'm so proud of how far he's come in such a short while. It warms my heart to think of what a great person he is and how much he's taught me. He taught me the importance of helping others and of being a good person. He's always made sure I was taken care of. He's letting me live in this wonderful house that he's purchased. He's always pushed me to farther than I thought I could go. I'm so thankful for his influence in my life. He's always supported me in all my endeavors. He's never missed a school play or a choir concert. He encouraged me to strike out on my own when I was trying to decide on a college. He called me often to check up and make sure I was okay a lot during that first year away from home. He even drove the 3 and half hours to Cedar to visit a few times. He's always concerned for my safety and my happiness. He's such an amazing person and I'm constantly learning from him. He's one of the most Christ-like people I know, and I've striven to be more like him with each passing day. I'm so thankful for the dad that I have and for his amazing influence in my life and who I am.
Alan: He's so smart. He's such a helpful guy. He's always doing something for one of his kids or for the people he home teaches. He tries his hardest to come to our family functions to support my mom and I really appreciate that. I'm thankful for his example of kindness. The grandkids love him and I think that's fantastic. I'm thankful for his willingness and ability give me priesthood blessings before the school year started when I was younger. That helped me so much. I've come to realize how important those things are in my life.


James: He has always been an example to T.R. A loving man who always cared for his family and their needs. Although he may seem like a quiet man he has a deep love for his family and wants them to succeed. He has always been willing to work to provide and to assist. I'm thankful for his firmness of testimony and his strong faith. I'm thankful for his unwavering support. He has taught T.R. so much about so very many things. He can definitely be called a wise man probably belthazar cause he was the coolest of the wisemen. He truely is a shining priesthood example and we love him for it. We're thankful for his awesomeness.*

*I would just like to state for the record, that I gave TR free reign over that last paragraph.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Thankful Day 4

MOTHERS!

Specifically MY mothers. I'm one off the lucky few that have three wonderful mothers!

Mommy: My mom is the greatest. She's always always ALWAYS been there for me. It doesn't matter what I'm crying about, she's always there to help me out. Sometimes I don't want to hear what she's saying at the time, but I always tuck it away in the back of my mind for another time when I really need it, or am ready for it. She taught me about the gospel, about the flowers, how to work hard, and be friendly to people around me. She's always been a teacher, a confidante, and a friend. We never really fought in high school. I wasn't the typical teenager that didn't like their mother. I love to be with her, talk with her, and laugh with her. She's been my best friend for years, and has only recently been replaced (by TR). I still talk to her every day, I love to just share my thoughts and hopes and dreams with her. She's always made sure that I'm taken care of, validated my fears, made me realize that it's okay to be silly.

She taught me how to be a good wife, how to be around people, how to write my name. She taught me some of the most important things in this life. She's a strong, beautiful, talented, thoughtful, awesome person who is always helping someone out. She very rarely takes time out for herself because she's always so wrapped up in what is going on with everyone else. She's always got some sewing project or another that she's working on for someone. I'm so so grateful for my mom!

(This is why you don't see many pictures of my mom)

Amy: I was blessed with a second mother as well. Amy is fantastic! I'll admit, I thought she was going to be an "Evil step-mother" type when I was little and she and my dad first got married. I was so wrong! Amy is the sweetest person, and she's so great for our family. She's so sweet and caring. She's always supportive and has some great advice. She's easy to laugh with and is always in pursuit of a good time. She went from being single to a new mother of 5 and she made the transition extremely well. I'm so grateful for Amy. She's just so amazing. She's kind and caring. She's patient and helpful. She's such a great example of a mom. I'm so thankful for her!

Angie: Over the last (almost) three years I've gotten to know her I feel really blessed. You can definitely tell she loves her children (and she raised one great guy). She's so sweet and she's always willing to do things for us when we need her to. She's so fun to be around. You can always joke with her. It's so great to have her in our lives. She's so helpful and kind. She's always pushing us to be better, to do better, and to be happy. She's enriched our lives.

I'm so thankful for all these wonderful women I have surrounding me, teaching me how to be a better person, wife, mother, and woman. I'm so thankful for their shining examples to me, what they mean to me in my life, and how they've helped me. I love them all and I'm constantly thankful for them.

Saturday, November 21, 2009